What The Hell Am I Doing Here

While I’ve aways been a fan of Merlin Mann’s quote, there comes a time when you have to start figuring things out. I can’t help but wonder if that moment is upon me.

When you pour yourself into something five days a week as I do here in the site, people tend to ask you why. At first you’re ok with not knowing; in fact, it’s often important that you don’t. Yet, inevitably you see their point and turn the question on yourself. It’s a question I’ve been turning around in my head for days and I can’t say I’m any closer to an answer from where I started.

I know that this is a helpful tool for helping me get my crap together, but there’s no way I’d be putting this much of myself into it if I wasn’t hoping for something more. I know that many who do this are trying to get themselves out of a situation, usually that’s a job that they hate. I don’t hate what I do; I don’t despise who I work with. I have my frustrations like anyone else, but I enjoy the time I spend working in and contributing to the growth of our family business. I’m happy at home, so this isn’t some kind of secret escape. It’s just been something that I am deriving tremendous pleasure from doing and I feel as if I’m seeing significant personal growth.

As I continue to write, I see that I am here for two reasons:

  1. I want/need to improve. I need to deal with the disorganized chaos that has plagued my life. Doing it in public helps keep me honest and I always hope it helps one or two others.
  2. I’ve been trying to unlock something in myself. I’ve been trying to figure out “where my thing is going” while being ok with the fact that I’m still not quite sure.

I’ve been fine with not knowing, but the more I work, the more I write and the more I grow, the more a nagging question has been lingering in my mind…

I’ve made a lot of words here, some of them I’m even proud of. I’ve taken steps, some of them I’m proud of. But as I see myself starting to improve, I look at my work life and my home life and this side project and know that something is missing. That there is an action I’m yet to take, a step I’m yet to see. I’m not sure what that is yet. Perhaps it’s stringing what I’ve been doing here into a larger, more formalized writing project. Maybe it’s time to tackle one of the “ideas I’ll probably never do” as a side project and put one of my dusty domains to use. It may even be something I’m yet to think of. All I know is that I’ve been walking towards something I can’t quite see and that it about time to figure out what the hell that is. And then tackle it.

If this subject is at all interesting to you, I discuss this in depth with Mike Vardy on today’s episode of the Mikes on Mics podcast.

A big thanks to Todd Chandler, both for creating the graphics and for helping me nail down the exact phrasing on the unlocking and acting quote.

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